The term is helicopter mom. I don't think that I am one of them but I certainly have to stay on top of everything that the minors in my home are doing, tell them what to do most of the time and yell about stuff a lot. Maybe I am hovering a bit but it is too late to stop now. We are almost at the finish line. Over the next three years, G-D willing, both of my kids will get accepted to college (in another city) and I can be pretty much done. Sure I'll have to fund their lives, but not continue to manage their lives, right?
When I went to college, my parents drove me up, dropped off my stuff in my dorm room and then headed to their hotel bar for some celebratory cocktails. I'm sure that they were toasting each other to something like "one down, one to go". I did not want them to unpack or decorate my dorm room and they did not offer. I wanted them to leave town and let me start my life. Obviously I depended on them for the rest of college for financial support (and once in a while advice) but they were not involved in my day-to-day operations during my University years or anytime after that.
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| Mug from nordstrom |
These days, it appears that the helicopter moms don't land when their kids go off to college. In fact, they seem way too involved. According to my research, which mostly consists of the reading of Facebook posts of my friends, mothers today not only drop their kids off at college on the first day, they must help them decorate their dorm rooms so that they look Pinterest worthy. This does not appear to be a one shot deal either. Some of my friends move their kids into their new digs every single year of college and help them decorate. Huh? I don't think that my parents even saw where I lived after my sophomore year at college. They just kept sending checks. It was the perfect arrangement.
Then there are the weekends visiting. Not just once a year. These parents are heading into college towns for multiple visits per school year. I love my folks but I specifically recall that when they did visit, it seriously put a crimp in my style. Sure the annual visits which included some fancy meals and some shoe shopping were great but I was happy when they hightailed it back home so I could continue with my college life. And it was not just me. I don't ever remember any of my roommates or sorority sisters getting more than one visit a year from anyone in their families, if that.
Another friend whose son is a college freshman bragged that her son and she text all day long. I think that it is great that they communicate but isn't he supposed to be making friends and learning how to play beer pong. If he wanted to talk to his mom all day, maybe he should have saved her the $60,000 a year (this is a true figure) and gone to community college.
Even worse, a Facebook friend of mine posted photos of herself at her daughter's law school orientation. I went to law school and I don't remember ever meeting (or even hearing about) anyone's parents unless they were hiring law clerks. Is my friend going to sneak into court for her first trial? Will she yell at the Judge if he rules against her baby? Let's hope not.
Another friend's son recently got accepted to college. This was exciting news because he did not always seem to be the college-bound type. I called her up to tell her how jealous I was that she was done with the college planning and to say "Mazel Tov! Congrats! You did it! The bird is leaving the nest!" Instead of being excited she is already fretting about what she is going to line up for him after college. "What is he going to do for the rest of his life?", she cried.
Seriously, isn't that what kids are supposed to figure out in college.
* I reserve the right to delete this post in the very near future when my sons become college bound!
